The Room
by Kegan Brenna Karlin
Summary: What might have taken place following the episode Divide and Conquer.


Rating: T just to be safe

Characters: Sam Carter, Jack O'Neill, Anise

Genre: Romance, Sam/Jack

Seasons: 4 spoilers for episodes:

Episodes: Divide and Conquer, Upgrades

Summary: One idea of the events that took place after Divide and Conquer.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Stargate. I just like to watch the episodes. J

**The Room**

"_Now retest me." _

"Major Carter, what happened when you were trapped behind the force shield?" Anise asked imploringly.

"I insisted that Colonel O'Neill leave me behind, but he refused. He was desperately looking for a way to save me. I insisted there was no time, he had to escape." I answered steadily, innocently.

"And how did Colonel O'Neill react?"

Damn her! Why do we have to do this so publicly. The Colonel and I are finally admitting these deeply personal feelings that we've handled so carefully until now, albeit under less-than-pleasant circumstances. Whenever I fantasized about this moment I never pictured it happening with other people watching us, especially Anise, while being strapped in a chair to a machine that could fry my brain or make me go nuts and kill myself at any given moment.

" He started striking the force shield in desperation…almost hysterically" I answered honestly.

"And then what happened?" She pressed.

"And then in the intensity of the situation we experienced a moment of non-verbal communication."

"And what feelings were you communicating?" She continued.

"I was begging him with everything I had to leave me behind and escape! He was refusing with everything he had…" I finished quietly. I pulled myself together and concluded "And then the force field was disrupted by the C4 blast and we escaped. We got lucky." I answered in a casual tone just as I did when I answered this question the first time.

Colonel O'Neill was on edge as he watched the Zatarc detector turn pink.

"Carter." he said to me in the same warning tone I had used just moments ago to implore him to tell that truth which we had trained ourselves for so long not to tell.

I took a deep breath. Here goes, I thought. Just moments ago Colonel O'Neill must have felt the same way.

"Colonel O'Neill didn't want to leave me behind because… he cares about me." I paused. "A lot more than he's supposed to" I finished, using the Colonel's own words. "And I wanted him to escape with his life because…" I paused again. He was looking at me intently through the glass, something deep and hopeful in his eyes. I took a deep breath again as I returned his gaze. "Because I care about him as well…a lot more than I'm supposed to."

"Carter…" The Colonel warned again. The Zatarc detector must still be pink. I Paused.

"I love him." I finished softly. There it is Air Force. We've said it aloud. Thankfully only Janet and Teal'c were witnesses. Still, will they be forced to include this in their reports? We can't expect them to lie for us…

"_You are also not a Zatarc_" Anise concluded interrupting my thoughts.

"_Thank you."_ I said in a relieved and annoyed voice, and proceeded to begin disconnecting myself from the machine. The Colonel rushed to my side.

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"_Sir, none of this has to leave this room." _

"_And we're…okay with that?"_

"_Yes Sir." _I said strongly, in my good soldier voice. It took everything I had to muster those two little words, to lie so honestly putting duty before feeling, to be good little Soldier Sam and silence Samantha as I've done over and over again. To so enthusiastically confirm the death sentence of a suggestion that I so hastily made, that I felt like I had to make.

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Graham and Aster are dead! _Martouf_ is dead! Colonel O'Neill and I were accused of being Zatarcs. I was almost placed into a drug induced coma, The Colonel almost died! He admitted that he had feelings for me, that he would die for me! I admitted that I love him. My heart skipped for a moment in the midst of all the fear and pain.

Wait, What am I doing? I just admitted that I love the Colonel! My Colonel! My commanding officer! Great, my career may as well be over! We finally spoke the forbidden, repressed feelings into words, making them our reality, not just a fantasy - and then we agreed to silence them! The woman in me has waited so long for this and then the soldier in me agreed to silence them - hell I suggested it! He didn't seem so eager to bury it in that God-forsaken room. What's wrong with me? Why did I so hastily suggest that we forget this ever happened without even waiting to observe his response? Why did I just assume this would be what he wanted?

These thoughts buzz through my head while I lock up my lab. It's time to get off of this base and go home, I haven't been there in days and I need to get out of here.

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As I walk through the front door of my house I drop my things by the door and flop down on the couch, emotionally torn, observing how much has changed since the last time I sat here. The last time I was here Martouf was still alive, I was still _secretly_ in love with the Colonel and my career was not in jeopardy, and I had never heard of a Zatarc.

Having lost a close friend with whom, thanks to Jolinar, I had an indescribable bond, and having had my deepest secret publicly disclosed, I feel like a train wreck inside. Not to mention that I was almost sedated for an indefinite amount of time while the Colonel once again offered to risk his life to save mine - twice he was going to die for me…Oh the Colonel!

I couldn't stop thinking that he hadn't had to say the exact words that he loved me to be cleared by the Zatarc detecor, but then again that wasn't really his style. The Colonel was a man of few words, often saying less than he feels, and if that was the case, then he would have been feeling that he loved me even though he didn't directly say it, and that would have been enough for that machine. The fact that he had said "_I would rather die myself than lose Carter"_ told me everything I needed to know, didn't it? My heart jumped for a split second in the midst of these mixed emotions, only to come back down to earth.

What if his feelings don't run as deep as mine? I can't get him out of my head! I'm a soldier. I'm supposed to be able to shut off emotions and operate according to rules, orders and regulation, regulation is my life. The military is my life! But the Colonel…

Now the military might be gone.. But somehow I think even if that happened, if my career, my life was taken from me, if I could just be with him… stop it Sam! Those are enough thoughts for one night. I decide its time to get ready for bed and head to the shower.

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She left the base so quickly, damn it! I didn't get a chance to explain. Maybe she is right, that we should pretend that none of this even happened, but I don't think I can! Running the account of the last couple of days in my mind I see that Carter and I were accused of being something that I can't even pronounce, we've lost 2 officers…and Martouf, Carter's close friend. I feel like the biggest jerk alive when I think that I was always jealous of the bond between them, knowing he was in love with her, and that a small part of me feels secretly relieved that I won't have to deal with that anymore. Really, to be quite honest, I'm always jealous when some guy on another planet falls in love with her, but I suppose I should expect it. She's just so beautiful! Martouf was a pretty good guy, but I guess I never really cared for him, I'd like to think it was mostly because he was a snake head, but I know in my heart it had more to do with his feelings for Carter.

I can't stop thinking. That's usually not a problem for me, Maybe I have been in love with Carter too long. I crack the first smile that I've managed all evening since I heard her utter the words "I love him" in that chair.

Carter…Sam, Sam was about to be drugged up indefinitely, and I almost died today. I almost died for her…again. I've got to find her and talk about this. I get into my truck and head to her house.

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I park my car in the driveway and make my way to her front door. I knock with no answer, but the unlocked door pushes open ever so slightly. She must have come home in such a frenzy that she didn't make sure to push the door closed. That's not really like Carter…or maybe she's been in love with me too long. I crack a smile again… In love with me….she did say that didn't she? She did say that today, that she loved me..

Okay snap out of it, Jack, you need to be rational, that's why you came here, to _talk_ about this. I step hesitantly inside her doorway.

"Carter!" I call. No response. I consider leaving, but instead find myself walking to her couch where I sit and wait.

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Did I just hear…? Is Colonel O'Neill here? Or have I just lost it completely and have resorted to self-fulfilling delusions? Nevertheless I pull on the underwear and tank top that I brought into the bathroom with me and reach for my robe…good thing I always make sure I take the time to hang it back on the hook on the door in the mornings. Sometimes I am grateful for my perfectionist tendencies. Wrapping the robe around me and tying the tie around my waist, I exit my bathroom.

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"Sir?" she asks in a half-shocked voice as she walks down the hall in her robe, checking to reinforce the tie in the front. Maybe half of her expected, no wanted, me to come here. Her hair is wet and tousled from her shower and I find it hard to maintain my composure.

"Hi Carter" I say with an awkward smile in attempt to cover how awkward it actually is that I'm sitting here, unannounced in her living room with her standing before me in a bath robe and sexy, tousled hair, after I practically broke into her house. Can't do it.

"Well this awkward." I say to lighten the mood, attempting to sound less sarcastic than usual.

No response.

Crap. Maybe my attempt failed.

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I look at my feet and my eyes fall down over my robe. _It's Awkward alright, _I think.

I try and think of something to say but my mind is on overload after the events of the day. The only sentence I can fathom in my head contains the words "I told you that I love you today." The very fear that the thought of that sentence induces is enough to keep me from speaking it. Terrified, I look at him, My eyes full of emotion, willing that he able to read it.

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She's looking at me with those big blue eyes, deep emotions swimming around in them. I shouldn't have come here, she's obviously overwhelmed after everything that's happened. I should have just let her have a night of peace to rest.

" Carter, I should…I should go." I stammer awkwardly.

I get up to walk away and suddenly I hear her say "Don't!". One word with so many emotions wrapped up in it. I turn to look at her. Her eyes are pleading with me. Pleading with me to speak, pleading with me to stay, a pleading in her eyes which only reminds me of that time when we stood separated by a force shield.

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"Okay." he said softly, gently, unresistingly, something deep held within his chocolate eyes. Now I have to say something, no matter what it is that comes out…

"Sir" I start nervously, trying to keep the tears out of my voice. Trying to speak with resolve, I continue, "About the course of action that I suggested earlier, I don't think.."

"I can't do it, Carter." He interrupted me in the most serious voice that I have ever heard him use.

At this point I collapse on the couch, my head in my hands. I have cracked under the pressure. Bad soldier. Still, I can't help it. I find myself crying for the second time today. I nonchalantly pull a couple of strands of hair around my face to try and hide the tears, but somehow he knows better. He rushes to my side once more.

Sitting on the couch next to me he brushes the hair from my cheek, and before I know what's happening I feel a warm, light kiss where the tears were.

"You said you loved me…" he said quietly.

"Yeah I did…I do…" I said awkwardly. I'm really not good at this, especially when I'm off balance, crying in my bathrobe, professing my love for my CO, and, on top of all that, am very uncertain as to whether he is going to profess it back to me.

"You were going to die for me…twice." I say softly with emotion welling up in my voice.

"Because I love you." He said in that deep, serious tone that I had seldom heard him use, a look in his eyes nearly the same as the one I saw on Apophis' ship full of love and fear, but this time full of longing as well.

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There was that look in her eyes again, but this time I saw a flood of relief in them. Was she afraid that I didn't love her? That my feelings weren't that intense? The deep blue was overwhelmed with love and pleading, but this time it wasn't pleading with me to go or stay, but to act. She was asking me in her own way to throw caution to the wind, if it was okay with me. That is so characteristically Carter, and it melted me. Maybe I can't eloquently speak my feelings, but I sure as hell can show her…

Unable to hold back anymore I grab her face in my hands and kiss her passionately.

"What about the…" she started after a moment or two, her sentence lost among the kisses. She doesn't seem to mind.

"It'll be alright." I whisper. "We'll keep it secret if we have to…no one will know but us. We can do that can't we? We keep secrets from the world everyday…"

"I'm not good at breaking the rules…" She began as she kissed me. "But with you" she kissed me again, "I'm not good at following them." She looked at me with a mischievous smile that I had never seen on Carter before.

We remained there on her couch, our kisses deepening with the moments that passed, the occasional "I love you" being whispered against the lips or the cheek of the other. After a long time had passed, she slightly pulled away.

"What's wrong?" I asked short of breath.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I'm just so tired" she said flushed and exhausted.

I smile at her. "Time for bed, then." I tease, waggling my eyebrows and bending to scoop her up into my arms. "And Sam"? She looked at me with a startled smile at the sound of her first name. "When I'm kissing you passionately, don't call me 'Sir'". I grin. Probably a cheesy grin at that. Speaking of regs, I wonder how many I just violated with that last "command"? Oh well, unlike Sam I never was one for following the rules, and tonight I'm happy, so screw everything else.

I carry her to her bedroom and pull back her covers with my free hand as I tuck her into her bed. Once snuggly under the covers she discards her bathrobe.

"Don't go." She says gently.

"Wasn't planning on it", I say smiling as I pull off my T Shirt and slide under the covers beside her. I wrap my arms tightly around her and whisper, " no more summits, no more Anise, no more Xanex…thingies.."

She laughs into her pillow.

"Now you can sleep."

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I don't need the Colonel's protection. I don't need his strength. I have that on my own. But I do need his love, and for 4 years I've been trying to convince myself that I can live without it. I held my secret inside and told myself that I can be the good little soldier and operate according to my orders and the regulations. I told myself nothing mattered except the job, except saving the world from Apophis. I laid awake many nights in internal conflict, I almost lost it today.

I collapse in his arms.

Tonight, I can sleep.

The End.

Authors Note: This was my weird attempt at a fic with mixed POVs. Sorry if it gets confusing…J


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